Single Mom Life | Build you or break you

 

Single mom life… what is it really? It’s hardly an elite group as some would like to call it, there are a lot more of us in the group then one may think. It’s a life that cannot really be prepared for, no self help book, or group is really going to make it easier…. Its just a way of life that becomes you. Is it hard? Well sure, but isn’t just being a mom hard sometimes? Of course it would be nice if there was always someone to split all the the tasks with, and the house sure feels empty after my kids go to bed, but, sometimes it’s relaxing just to have peace and quiet. What I think is important to remember is that every season of life can do certain things to oneself… either we can allow it to break us, or to make us better. In the beginning after and during my divorce was I falling apart? Yes, I certainly was…. life was completely changing, the things I put my trust in shifted, the people shift, friends shift, routines shift… all of those things change at once, life pretty much as you know it changes… but being a mom remains… You have to learn to adjust without letting it change you entirely as little people need you to be their constant.

When your entire world changes, you feel as though you have a right to be angry, and to cut off the pain if given the opportunity, but when their are children involved… you can’t… you must remain someone else’s constant, their safe place, their wholeness, even though everything inside of you may be falling apart and screaming for help…. you must remain constant. This is why you have to determine will it break me, or make me better? It’s also important to remember… there is a difference between just being wounded or being completely broken…

For me, I used the pain I was experiencing, and sorting out a new way of life to propel me into something better. There was a dark time, for sure… again, your whole life changes, and fight or flight comes into play, there is only so much fight in any person and then you choose to retreat. For a time, for a season this is ok… you are figuring out life, learning how you fit into this new role, who am I now? You learn who your people are during such a transition as well, those are the ones you will do life with, the ones who become your bests… the ones who are around as you become single mom, and stick through it, those are true.

 

 

 

 

So if it’s not going to break you.. this single mom life… , and you allowed yourself a quiet maybe even dark time for a bit to heal, and process, and learn how to navigate, then how will you allow such a life change to make you better?

You embrace it…..

Crazy right? It’s tough, it’s lonely, its trying… but you embrace it… and you give it everything you have. This challenge wont be the only one you ever face, and the grace you carry as you complete this one if what you will look back on when the next challenge comes. So how does one embrace it….. You look for the pure joy, the moments of sheer delight, the emotion, the tears, the quiet moments in the middle of the night, doing the laundry at late hours, prepping lunches, late night neb treatments, so many questions, you embrace them, is it tough, you are damn right it is…

But you show up, you look for those moments, and then you embrace them, you tell yourself that single or not, you prayed for these moments, you wanted these moments, and you can enjoy them, and endure them single parent just as you could any other way. The amount of parents under one roof aren’t what make you a good mom, how you handle what life throws at you is what makes you a good mom. How much grace you give yourself and your children, the way you ask for forgiveness, the way you press through hard times, the consistency that you create these are the things that make you a good mom, not being a single mom or having two parents present. I had to tell myself this many times, because of course you feel like a failure at first, and thats the trap you have to stay away from…. we aren’t failures because we do it alone, even if a marriage or relationship didn’t work out, and you find yourself a single parent you are far from a failure… look into the eyes of your children… hardly failures if you created that….

 

 

In fact, another way that you can let single mom life make you better, is learn how to co-parent better…. children are still be raised, regardless how many parents are present, or involved, or under the same roof… we are all raising children. Learn how to put differences aside and parent them to the best you can, and that also will make you better. Cling to Jesus, let him guide you, and lead you.

Remind yourself that your life is full of blessings regardless if you share it with another parent or you do it alone, those same blessings are with you, those same children you prayed for as still looking to you for guidance, support, fulfillment, and so much more, help them to be better… let your talk be uplifting, speak life into those around you, let go of negativity, promote peace… you cannot change the outcome of your life and how it may have ended up here, but you can change how it looks as you press on forward… will you let it break you or make you better…. the way I see it, everyone benefits from you letting it make you better… and they.. those tiny ones the deserve it… they are worth you not letting your situation break you. I want my girls to look back and see motherhood, and womanhood as a graceful place, ad a nurturing place, and to remember that their mother took a situation that wasn’t what she hoped for from the start, and made it something better then she imagined. Putting her children first, their needs, wants, and the way they viewed their parents, their story, their lives as a whole in a positive light. Teaching them that maybe we cant always control the situation we find ourselves in, or what is happening around us, but we can certainly control how we respond to, and how we walk out of it.

 

 

Maybe you spent a large portion of your life in this season of Single mom life, or maybe your season is coming to an end, your situation is changing, maybe your children are leaving home, or you are getting remarried…. remember, this wont be the last challenge that you face, another will come and it will create “XYZ life” for you, it’s not about the circumstance it’s about your heart during the hard times, who you look to for you help, and what model you are showing those who look to you. No matter the season, no matter the challenge will it build you or break you is up to you.