When I think Im failing at this | Mama Blog

When I think Im failing at this | Mama Blog

Some mornings I wake up and I rush into their rooms, I want to hold them as kiss them as they are greeting the new day with their sweet faces. Those days I might make pancakes with faces, and plan park play dates, and even… get out the paint… I know right? Awesome I tell ya! There are other days though, that I’d be lying if I didnt say that waking up and doing the mothering thing sounds less then glamorous and quite frankly I’d rather just stay in my bed. I dont leap with excitement to see their faces in the morning, not at all because I dont love them, but because sometimes life just catches up with you and sometimes adulting (its 2017 thats a word now right?) just gets to be too much. Of course I still drag myself out of bed, and I do plant kisses all over their faces… but the motherhood title that day just seems harder to wear. Oddly enough their sweet little faces glow when they see me, as if all night long they waited for me to open that door and come in to get them, meanwhile I was in the other room wondering how long I could just stay in my bed and pretend not to hear them. Maybe I was failing at this…

Some days, I yell… I dont just mean raise my voice, I mean I yell… and then I regret those words but they just flew out of my mouth. I sit there wondering why I just couldn’t have been more sensitive, listened to your needs more, given you the extra minute you needed.

Its tough raising tiny people, I often wonder if I am getting it right, doing it right, saying it right. Did I pack healthy lunches, and buy organic baby food, did I read to them enough, or play classical music as often as the experts suggest. Sometimes the thoughts of failing, not being the mother they deserve, not mending their hearts the right way, or listing before responding….  sometimes the tears…

Yes, the tears..

And I’m not even one to cry, I mean I didn’t cry when my babies were born, I don’t cry at movies… why am I sitting here crying while telling myself I am failing as a mother?

but then, I look over at my girls… who are playing with one another on the floor, one is learning how to wave goodbye and the other one is reading to her a book, oh my shes proud of herself when she sounds out the big words and doesn’t need any help. I see them interacting with each other, the bigger one showing extreme kindness as the smaller one pulls her hair for the 50th time that day. There is laughter, and giggles, and there are sweet button noses and tiny toes. I must be doing something right, right? That’s when they catch my in their line of sight, they both smile, and one asks for me to come read with them, they curl up into my lap, and nestle in just right… as I wipe away that tear of doubt, and discouragement, I so quickly realize that even if I am failing at this, they have no clue.. they think I’ve got it all together, they know they are my world and then it hits me…

I’m not always going to get this right, I might even rarely hit the mark… but that is ok….. THAT’S not failing. I’m doing this thing, and they give me grace. Infact I could learn from them on how easily they give grace!

So, when you find yourself in that place of … how am I doing at this, maybe I’m just failing… remind yourself YOU are a great mom, then look into the faces of the ones who call you mom, do those faces make you feel like you are failing? I bet you’d answer no to that.. those tiny faces think you are doing  a stellar job. After all only a good mom is worried over how well shes doing at this all anyway. Then, cut yourself some slack… You’re doing pretty awesome, you just dont even realize it! #mamablogpost

When I think Im failing at this | Mama Blog